I was in the kitchen, and I was cooking something. Suddenly I heard a loud noise from the front. I thought maybe someone was knockingthe door. I asked who it was but I heard no reply. After a while I saw my cat running across the parlor. I realized it was the cat. I felt released.

这本来应是一段故事性很强的文字，但经作者这么一写，就不那么吸引人了。原因是文中用的都是叙述模式，没有人物语言，把“悬念”给冲淡了。可作如下调整：

I was in the kitchen cooking something. Crash! a loud noise came from the front. Thinking someone was knocking at the door, I asked,Who? No reply. After a while, I saw my cat running across the parlor. It＇s you. I said, quite released.

二、写好记叙文的基本要领

1. 头绪分明，脉络清楚

写好记叙文，首先要头绪分明，脉络清楚，明确文章要求写什么。要对所写的事件或人物进行分析，弄清事件发生、发展一直到结束的整个过程，然后再收集选取素材。这些素材都应该跟上述五个“ W ”和一个“ H ”有关。尽管不是每篇记叙文里都必须包括这些“ W ”和“ H ”，但动笔之前，围绕五个“ W ”和“ H ”进行构思是必不可少的。

2. 突出中心，详略得当

在文章的框架确定后，对支持故事的素材的选取是很关键的。选材要注意取舍，应该从表现文章主题的需要出发，分清主次，定好详略。要突出重点，详写细述那些能表现文章主题的重要情节，略写粗述那么非关键的次要情节。面面俱到反而使情节罗列化，使人不得要领。这一点是写好记叙文要解决的一个基本问题，也需要一定的技巧。如：

One night a man came to our house and told me, There is a family with eight children. They have not eaten for days. I took some foodwith me and went.

When I finally came to that family, I saw the faces of those little children disfigured （破坏外貌） by hunger. There was no sorrow orsadness in their faces, just the deep pain of hunger.

I gave the rice to the mother. She divided the rice in two, and went out, carrying half the rice. When she came back, I asked her, Wheredid you go? she gave me this simple answer, To my neighbors — they are hungry also!

3. 用活语言，准确生动